CALIFORNIA
If pot growers in the Southern California town of Hemet thought their watchgator would foil a police raid, they were sadly mistaken. The 4-foot alligator stayed quietly in his water-filled tub while narcotic-control cops confiscated 2,300 marijuana plants valued at $1.5 million, reports the Press-Enterprise. One man was arrested but the docile alligator got to go to a desert sanctuary.
WYOMING
To say that former Sen. Alan Simpson, 79, of Wyoming doesnt mince words is putting it tepidly. On MSNBCs Hardball TV show recently, he blasted presidential hopefuls from his own Republican Party because of their positions on social issues: Who the hell is for abortion? he asked. I dont know anybody running around with a sign that says, Have an abortion, theyre wonderful. Theyre hideous. But theyre a deeply intimate and personal decision, and I dont think men legislators should even vote on the issue.
Simpson didnt stop there, attacking potential presidential candidates from his party who oppose gay rights and declaring that he wont stick with Republican homophobes who hypocritically indulge in affairs while giving speeches about moral values.
You can find a small cache of Simpsons quotes through the years on the Web; heres a pithy example: An educated man is thoroughly inoculated against humbug, thinks for himself and tries to give his thoughts in speech or on paper, some style.
And heres a more recent quote from during the time Simpson was working on reforming the federal budget: The country is gonna go to the bow-wows unless we deal with entitlements, Social Security and Medicare.
MONTANA
Another straight shooter when it comes to controversial issues is Montana State Rep. Alan Hale, a Republican who hails from the tiny town of Basin. Hale unabashedly backs drinking while driving and opposes efforts by some of his fellow legislators to put teeth in the states notoriously permissive DUI laws. Passing sterner driving-under-the-influence laws became big news this year after several high-profile drunken driving deaths, reports the Missoulian, but Hale, citing the needs of far-flung taverns that bring locals together, calls reform a mistake: These DUI laws are not doing our small businesses in our state any good at all. They are destroying them. Unfortunately, reform took a hit earlier this year when it was revealed that one of the leaders, Republican State Sen. Jim Shockley, was arrested in January for drinking while driving. As if to illustrate how lightly the law now treats drinking drivers, Shockleys fine for getting caught with an open beer was a paltry $51.
CALIFORNIA
Never at a loss for novel ideas, the animal rights folks at PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, want the mayor of San Francisco and other city leaders to change the name of the citys Tenderloin District to the Tempeh District. Tempeh, for those who prefer hamburgers and are unfamiliar with it, is a cruelty-free meat substitute made from fermented and firmed-up soybeans. Other suggestions from PETA, according to the U.S. Sportsmens Alliance, were Granola Flats or Seitans Lair, the latter a wheat product.
PETA spokeswoman Ashley Gonzalez argued that a vegan name would better reflect the philosophies of locals, but while that might be the case, theres a historical problem, reports The New York Times. The Tenderloin doesnt allude to an expensive cut of meat or even the sleek muscle on the leg of a lady of the evening; it refers instead to the bribes given to unscrupulous cops by the operators of bordellos and other illicit businesses.
It wasnt like they were giving them steaks, said Randy Shaw, who hopes to open a museum in San Franciscos Tenderloin. They were giving (the police) cash. So PETA unveiled another initiative, promising to pay for any mans vasectomy if he would also agree to neuter his cat or dog.
COLORADO
Its always a treat to read a newspaper columnist when she or he comes unglued, and if you were reading the Telluride Watch lately, you had the pleasure of either sympathizing with Rob Schultheiss outrage or chortling at his discomfort. What sent Schultheis over the edge? Mentally lazy Americans who dont bother to read, write or think. His first example: Over half of Princeton students polled recently believed that the quote, We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, came from the Communist Manifesto. And one student at a different college hilariously thought that the civil rights movement got a big boost from Martin Luther Kings speech, If I had a hammer. This is exactly the kind of ignorance, he says, that led to the election of fanatics and sleazoids to Congress, and now these congressional representatives are busily cutting school lunches for poor kids, among other destructive acts, all of which led the columnist using all caps, though he apologizes for the indulgence to demand of Tea Party adherents: JUST HOW STUPID ARE YOU PEOPLE?
Betsy Marston is the editor of Writers on the Range, an op ed service of High Country News (hcn.org). Tips of Western weirdness are always appreciated.
